Back to NYC!!

Okay, so we are headed back to NYC tonight!!! Tomorrow I am having a Hysteroscopy to clean out anything that could prevent me from getting pregnant, like fibroids, cysts, etc. I'm not sure what to expect though. All I know is that I can't eat after midnight (which driving during the whole night without any food/more importantly no iced coffee..I'm going to be reeeaaaalllyyy fun!) or drink, that we have to be there at 8am, and that I will basically be in a "twilight". I have never been in that, just always been put out the whole way. Anyhow, I have read that cramping and some spotting is normal afterwards..my question is, HOW bad will the cramps be. I cramp like crazy when I have my period and I swear they better not be like those! We have decided to drive home tomorrow unless I don't feel well, then we will try to find a cheap hotel and then drive back on Friday.

I am just SO amazed at how perfectly this has come together so far (knock on wood). It's like it is meant to be. I mean EVERYTHING has come together. When I started spotting on Saturday I was so bummed that my Hysteroscopy would be pushed back further because you aren't supposed to be on your period during it. Well, typically I will spot for about 3 or 4 days before the "real" thing comes. Think that happened this time? NO!!! Why? God works in mysterious ways!!! He knew that I had to have my Hysteroscopy Thursday and by golly, it happened!

If you read this, sorry if it's all TMI. This is a reality for us and when I say I am a very open person, I mean it. I'm just so used to posting on bulletin boards and that's where you can release it all, and I just don't care who knows anymore! It is a true battle of winning and losing. A battle of heartache. It's so nice to be able to have friends who have gone through this same thing, because they can understand when you get a negative pregnancy test and you just want to break down and literally lose it. My heart aches for a girl on the board who did a Frozen Embryo Transfer (as I will be too) and her first beta was a 9, and today it was only in the 3's. It's obvious what that means, and I'm just so sad for her. It's hard to watch other girls (AND yourself) have to go through this month after month. Then you get to see people in your life get pregnant over and over again without barely trying or calling it an "accident"! Well HELLO! Where is MY "accident"?!?! Sorry, I went off into a bit of a rant, but it's hard to make other people realize how many emotions really go into this. People say "oh you're young" but they just don't get it. I am just thankful we have found out while being young.

Okay! Gotta finish eating my "last meal" as I call it before having surgeries, LOL! Then gotta hit the shower and then hit the road!

Until next time,
**Jenn**