That question..ALREADY?!

I know that I am terrible at updating this..but I assure you, the next post will be filled with tons of fabulous information about Avery and TONS of pics! However, this post..is more of a vent I suppose.

Yesterday I was asked THAT question that I have been dreading.

"So, are you going to have any more kids?"

Really? UGH. Well, my short response was: "if I can!" and I kind of chuckled it off. What I REALLY wanted to say was: "do YOU have the thousands of dollars so I CAN have more kids?!". I have been going along just enjoying my time with Avery and there hasn't been a day that I have taken for granted with her, but this question just made my chest tighten up. I am SO blessed after more than 4 years of TTC to finally have the baby I have dreamed about..but I can't help but feel only panic when thinking about what if we can't have any more?

Am I being selfish to want more than 1? The whole time while TTC I would pray that God would just let me have 1 baby and that's all I would ever ask for. But, now that she's here? Guess my opinion changed. She's here and I would love to have a million kids. However, duh, that's not going to happen..but is it REALLY greedy of me to want more than 1 when it feels like the rest of the world can have however many they WANT and can start and stop whenever they WANT? I don't think it's greedy or selfish.

I did post a bit of a rant last night on facebook and I got some great responses..supportive responses. Then I also got some asshat responses (which is to be expected I suppose) about how Avery is all I need. REALLY?! Do you REALLY know what I need!? Who the heck are you to tell me that?? I guess people who have never dealt with infertility should just keep their traps shut. You don't KNOW the pain. You don't KNOW the frustration. You don't KNOW the emptiness in my heart. YOU DON'T KNOW!!

I'm so frustrated sitting back and having to watch other women dealing with infertility because I KNOW how awful it is. All I can do is offer words of encouragement and I hope they take my story and have a small glimpse of hope. I'm so angry at how unfair infertility is..it's JUST SO UNFAIR!

Anyway, I have a ton more to say but I better leave it at that :) Please don't think I am not thankful for my miracle Avery because I am SO incredibly thankful and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for giving me her. Just after going through 4 years of hell..I don't want to face that ever again. I HATE INFERTILITY!!

xoxo,
Jenn

Well..she's here! And has been here for awhile!

Sooo maybe I am terrible at updating this thing! Well for starters Avery Hope was born on March 4, 2010! Here's the story!

Well, as you know my last post was stating that I was heading in the next day to be induced. Well, as I was writing it all out I was having some contractions here and there. Around 3 o'clock I had taken a nap and woke up at about 5 with a contraction. I then had them about every half hour for about 2 hours. I really didn't think too much of it but when I went to the bathroom I noticed I was bleeding. I didn't feel very good about that because usually during pregnancy blood is a BAD thing! At least, that's what I had always assumed! Anyhow, I called the doctor because I just wanted to be sure! About 20 mins after I called my doctor called back and by then my contractions were about 10 minutes apart. She said to go ahead and just come in because she was staying at the hospital that night anyways so we would just go ahead and get things started.

Well, I called and told Ross and while he was on his way home from work I went ahead and jumped in the shower. At this point the contractions were probably 6-7 mins apart. We got to the hospital and since it was after hours we had to go through the emergency room (which, mind you, is all the way at the other end of the hospital!). Once we got up to the maternity floor and got our paper work done, we went to the back and I got changed into a gown and everything. My doctor came in and checked me and I was about a whopping 1 cm! LOL!. She officially decided to keep me and 10 mins later we were in a room.

I got situated and sat in a chair for a bit and had a popsicle. Stupid me hadn 't eaten anything since lunch but once I started getting contractions I just didn't feel much like eating..but I wish I had because I was pretty nauseous! I sat in the chair for a bit and decided that I wanted to go ahead and lay down and I asked for something for my nausea. My nurse asked me if I wanted to go ahead and get an epidural or get some pain meds because she checked me and I was at about 2 1/2. I decided to go ahead and get the epidural (bc heck, if they were offering it..I was going to take it!) because they assured me it would not run out (like I had heard as a r umor).

The anesthesiologist was GREAT! He told me everything he was doing and I barely felt a thing! All I felt was some clicking deep in my back for a few seconds but that was it! Once I got that, I layed down and my nurse put my catheter in. I started going numb and the contractions were GONE! It was amazing because once I had that they started speeding up like CRAZY! I was feeling really uncomfortable though from the catheter..I was burning for some reason and it wouldn't go away! So, since it was about 2 in the morning we decided to go ahead and try to sleep as much as we could...well about 5 seconds after that I heard/felt this giant POP and a big gush of water!! My water broke! I called for the nurse and she came in and I asked if it was clear and she said no..there was maconium (sp?) in the fluid. My nurse came back in and checked me and said that I was then at about 4 and she would be right back. My heart instantly sunk! She was gone for a bit and then comes back in..but this time with another nurse, my doctor, and an ultrasound machine!

My doctor says "I could have swore that this baby was head down at your last appointment"....WHAT!!! Yepp, Ms Avery was breech! So, I ended up getting prepped for a c-section. I was okay with it and wasn't even scared in the slightest bit. I just knew it was what needed to be done and to be honest I was a little relieved! I was burning SO bad from the catheter it was almost unbearable! Anyhow..csection went great and we were blessed with our little princess!!

She really is SO amazing and I am blessed in every way. I have enjoyed every minute with her and it was worth every bit of the wait! She is amazing!

She is sleeping great so far! She goes to bed around 9..wakes up around 4 or 5am to eat, and then goes back to bed until about 9! Talk about amazing! Of course it wasn't always like that but it's awesome. I am back to work, I had 8 weeks after I had her off which was awesome. It was pretty hard for the first 2 weeks after. I just was uncomfortable and got really tired easily..I pretty much just did way too much.

Anyhow, I'm going to go ahead and post some pics now..enjoy!

Tomorrow is the day!!

Well, I am being induced TOMORROW! This little girl isn't in much of a hurry to come out! I go in at 6:30pm so we will most likely be meeting our miracle sometime Friday afternoon! I have been sitting here in disbelief..because I just can't believe it is finally happening! I'm so anxious to see her and actually meet this miracle who has been inside of me for 9 months! A miracle that we tried so hard for over 4 years to have. I can assure you I will never take her for granted. We are so blessed to be able to have this baby and I think sometimes people don't take the time to realize how lucky they are. I guess it's a little easier to see when you struggle for so long with infertility.

I'm so excited to see if she has hair, if she has long fingers, her feet, legs, little butt, ears, etc. I'm so excited about every part of this baby. She is the true definition of a miracle and I have only God to thank for her!

I'm a little nervous about labor to be honest..it's just scary to me..but at the same time I'm so thankful I actually get to experience it. It's something I never thought would come. At my last appointment I was only a fingertip dilated so what they have to do is use a foley catheter (it has a balloon) and manually dilate me to about 3-4 where it will then fall out and they will use some sort of hormone cream before they can even begin potocin (sp?).

So, that is that for now..in a mere 2 days I will be holding my miracle in my arms! Here are some of our maternity pics we got back!!

It's almost time!

WOW! I am just a few days away from my due date! I have been really terrible about updating this blog though..I don't know why I find it a chore to sit down and write, but I do! Everything has been going really well. At my last few appointments there has really been no change..I'm not dilated at all but she has definitely dropped. Lately I have been feeling uncomfortable but that is to be expected for sure.

I have an appointment tomorrow so maybe we will have made some progress by then! If not, my doctor said we will probably induce around 41 weeks and if we wanted to go a few days after (to give myself a chance to go into labor on my own) then we could but we will definitely not go over 42 weeks because that gets to be too dangerous for the baby.

At this point, I am just getting SO anxious! There were 8 woman due within 2 weeks of me and they have ALL had their babies! It's just such a crazy thought that we tried for over 4 years to have this baby..and now we are (hopefully) days away from meeting our little miracle! I can't thank God enough. I am just so thankful for the opportunity we had with the trial study and have a hard time believing that it's even still real! For the record, I guess the clinic is now doing Mini IVF as an option and not just for the trial study..I am SO glad!

I will post a few pics of Avery's nursery now..it's pretty much done! I just can't wait to bring her home to it!

There are a few pics of her nursery. That's all I have for now, the next update with me the announcement of Miss Avery Hope!!